Great stories from our entire backlog!

Some People Just Need To Stay Silent

| Right | August 17, 2012

(I am participating in the Day Of Silence and my boss, being understanding because her brother is gay and was assaulted for it a year ago, has let me wear my DOS pin while on my shift. He’s put me on restock and check-in duty so I don’t have to handle customers. A few customers have noticed my pin and were understanding and even supportive, but not this next customer…)

Customer: *walks over to me, passing up three other employees*” Excuse me, I have a question.”

(I shrug in apology and show her my pin.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, she’s not on register duty today for personal reasons, but I can help you.”

Customer: “No! I asked her to help me, so she has to do what I say!” *to me* “Why the h*** aren’t you doing your job? Sitting back here all day, twiddling your thumbs while your coworkers do all the work… you’re a lazy b****! You should be fired!”

Me: *completely shocked*

Boss: “Excuse ME, ma’am, but she is doing her job. You’re going to stop harassing my employees now or I will have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “But she’s not even answering questions! She’s just sitting there not helping anyone!”

Boss: “I have her on non-interactive duty today because she’s taking part in the Day of Silence in support of the LGBT community.”

Customer: *aghast* “You let your employees support f*****s?! What the h*** is wrong with you?! People like that are evil sinners that should be shot in the street! They don’t even have rights anyway!”

Boss: “And that’s what the Day of Silence commemorates: gays that have been bullied and killed by hateful and ignorant people like you. You can leave my store now and don’t come back.”

Customer: “Oh my God! You’re all soulless queers! I’m getting out of here before I catch your gay curse and burn in H***!” *practically runs out of the store*

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 23

| Right | September 15, 2013

Customer: “I have a direct debit, but now you’re charging me extra costs. Why? You can just take the money from my account!”

Me: “Well we tried twice, but the bank refused the payment. That’s why we sent you two reminders before adding the costs. Did you receive the letters?”

Customer: “Probably, but I never read your mail because I have a direct debit.”

Me: “But how are we supposed to let you know something is wrong if you don’t open the mail? We’re not sending you spam; we’re sending you a legitimate message.”

Customer: “Yeah, but as I said I don’t read them. So, now I feel I don’t have to pay the costs, because I didn’t know the payment failed.”

Me: “But we told you in the letters that the payment failed. Twice.”

Customer: “I DON’T READ THEM. You should have let me know!”

Me: “We did! How else were you expecting to receive our notices?”

Customer: “I don’t know! I just think the costs shouldn’t be charged.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the costs are correct. You just told me that you received our letters, but you don’t read them. We let you know that the bill wasn’t paid and stated in our letters when the payment was due to prevent the costs. I am fully willing to discuss payment, but you will have to pay the costs.”

Customer: “I am not happy about this. I was expecting more from you.”

Me: “More? What were you expecting besides two letters?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Just… more…”

(The customer did end up paying the costs. I’m still wondering to this day what kind of ‘more’ he expected from us.)

 

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I Read Can

| Right | September 8, 2016

(The customer I’m checking out is having an issue swiping her card. After the machine fails to read the stripe for the third time I offer to manually key in the number. Unfortunately I end up slipping up as well due to trying to speedily finish the transaction.)

Customer: “What the heck is taking so long? Can’t you read?”

Me: “I do apologize. My dyslexia usually chooses the worst moments to rear its ugly head.”

Customer: “So you actually can’t read, then? Huh, figures.” *points to a fairly expensive bottle of wine* “You know that’s half off right?”

Me: *reading the price tag* “Erm… I’m sorry, but no it isn’t.”

Customer: “It says right over there!” *points to a sign over the wine section advertising a sale on our local vintages*

Me: “Actually, ma’am, that sign is referring to wines produced in state, which are buy one, get one free. This is an imported vintage so it’s not eligible.”

Customer: “You just said you were dyslexic! That you can’t read!”

Me: “Dyslexic means I sometimes mix up the order of numbers or words, ma’am. What you’re thinking of is ‘illiterate.’”

(The customer silently glared at me as I finally got her card to go through and stormed out grumbling.)

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Mismanaged Expectations, Part 8

, | Working | April 9, 2013

(It is a busy Friday night downtown at my work. I am also the only cashier despite there being a two-cashier minimum; I’m also working although I recently injured my leg.)

Me: “I need order [number]. It hasn’t come up yet!”

Manager: “What? We already made that. Are you so stupid you can’t even read the boxes and hand things out right?”

Me: “So, what you’re saying is you made a sandwich that is last on my screen before all the other orders I need, and never identified as the one with modifications, and it is my fault someone else took what should have been their order?”

(Surprisingly, a customer in line also speaks up in my defense.)

Customer: “Don’t you DARE talk to your employees like that! Let’s see you serve all of us and deal with you idiots when you can’t even walk properly. Just fix the d*** mistake! The faster you make their food, the faster we get ours.”

(My manager fell silent and made the orders in the right order this time. I gave the customer a discount on his order for being so understanding!)

 

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Abject-Oriented Programming

| Working | October 12, 2012

(Note: I am the only programmer in an office full of graphic designers. A few of my colleagues understand programming, but my boss REALLY doesn’t. He often gives me ridiculous deadlines, but for once I am given a whole 3 weeks to make a complex program.)

Boss: “[My name], the presentation has moved to this friday lunchtime.”

Me: “What?! I wont even have a prototype available this week!”

Boss: “You will or you’ll be out of a job. Jeez, how hard can it be? You’re just typing!”

Me: “I’m… what?”

Boss: “You’re just typing! Everyone else around here has to do crazy graphic stuff… now that looks complex. You just need a copy of Office and you’re set.”

Me: “You can’t use Office for pro—”

(At this point, one of my colleagues interrupts.)

Coworker: *to my boss* “Are you being serious? You only told him about the program this morning!”

Boss: “And he should be able to do it in a week!”

Coworker: “Look, I know a little bit of programming, not enough to build it or anything, but it takes ages to make stuff like that! Give him a break, eh?”

Boss: “You’re just nerds! Nerds and geeks! All nerds stick together… oh yeah, sure!”

Me: “I… what?”

Boss: “You’re just trying to make me look bad! Have that d*** program ready for me within a week!”

Me: “Actually, I have a month of holiday left, and according to my contract I have to use it all if I leave. I’m handing in my 30 days notice. I wont be coming in tomorrow!”

Boss: *gets mad and leaves the room*

(I did indeed hand in my notice, and went in the following week for a goodbye party, which my boss conveniently forgot to attend. However, they now outsource all their programming to me anyway, and I work from home and charge twice as much!)

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